I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
