Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
