Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
