Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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