hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
