Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
