puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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