I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
love makes seman taste better
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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