you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?