i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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