At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
