tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
