The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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