Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
