Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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