6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
