i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
they're like a gay fantastic four
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
