Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i was born a porn star she said
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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