new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
did i walk over a car last night?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
