Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
