You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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