sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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