I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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