pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
