so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I understand Curling. That high.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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