I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
