just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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