I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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