we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
