Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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