I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
