**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
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If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
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I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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