I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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