My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
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