I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
