I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
