I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
