Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
