Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
