So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So much rum. So many feels.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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