let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
