so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
