As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
our cab driver is having phone sex.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
