My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
