just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
