Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize