I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
