The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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