Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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