I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
