Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
