I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
