not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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