so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
