just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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