I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Randomize
