That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
