I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
