I CAN MOONWALK!
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
