I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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