it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Randomize
