hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
